Run
by sparklylulz
Summary: or: four times Erik thinks Charles is going to die and all the ways he stops it from happening. -Set in X-Men: First Class.


**a/n:** So I saw X-Men: First Class again and was once again inspired to write for that incredible movie. I think this is one of my favorite pieces ever. I gave you a little more than last time, I hope it doesn't come off cheesy. The end is slightly AU, but only slightly. Snow Patrol, Jack's Mannequin, and Glen Hansard were all huge influences here. I hope you enjoy.

–

**run**

**or: four times erik thinks charles is going to die **

**and all the ways he stops it from happening.**

_'Light up, light up  
>As if you have a choice<br>Even if you cannot hear my voice  
>I'll be right beside you dear<em>

_-**Snow Patrol**_

–

_**one. **_**we're bound to be afraid even if it's just for a few days.**

Erik has spent most of his life hunting one man and he's found that anyone who leads that lifestyle knows not to get attached to anyone or anything. He learned this at a very early age when the Nazi's ripped his family apart and altered his destiny forever. All he can ever remember knowing is anger and pain and hatred. He is a time bomb waiting to go off and some small part of him is terrified of that; of himself.

He's waited decades to face the man that robbed him of his mother, his childhood, and his life, but when he's actually in the man's presence everything goes horribly, horribly wrong. He's been so wrapped up in killing his mentor that he hadn't stopped to think about what defense system he might have.

He wades in the cold water, feeling his fingers slowly lose feeling and his toes go numb. He feels every metal link and piping course through his veins and he begins what he can only call a symphony. The clank of the anchor is as sweet as a percussion; sometimes Erik finds destruction to be one of the most beautiful things in the universe.

The sight of the submarine leaves him breathless because he hasn't planned that far ahead and isn't expecting it at all. In all his years of training and torture the most important lesson he learned was that _you can never be strong enough_, so he feels the need to pull the huge vessel to him. Except the pain and hurt in his heart is clouding his mind so he can't hold on and soon he is slipping under. The tide crashes in his ears and he knows he's going to die.

He feels Charles in his mind before he registers his arms around him, pleading for Erik to just _let go_. Erik only briefly ponders how much he's supposed to let go of. He does know that he would rather die trying to kill Schmidt than live with the pain of losing that opportunity.

But Charles just _won't let go_. Even if he didn't know it yet, Charles is the type of person who would rather drown with someone than give up on them. He senses this and so he feels himself let go of the submarine and clarity returns to his mind. Throughout the rest of his life he'll wonder if Charles knew that they sort of saved each other's lives that night, Charles in more way than one.

He can still hear the words echo at night sometimes. "_You're not alone, Erik, you're not alone._" It's all he had ever wanted to hear.

–

**_two. _louder, louder, and we'll run for our lives.**

It's odd, he has expected to feel many things when he finally managed to lift the submarine, but none of them were relief. He feels relieved that he has finally overcome his fears but now he feels sort of pointless. He doesn't have long to feel lost, however, because soon there is wind and noise and all he can hear is Charles begging him to grab his hand.

Erik has noticed a lot of things around Charles, things that he finds neither beneficial nor welcome. Erik is angry, vengeful, and full of pain while Charles is this man full to the brim with hope and love. Really, Erik should hate him, but in the end it turns out to be the exact opposite, and he's not totally sure how to handle it.

When he does grab Charles' hand, he uses every muscle in his body to reach the interior of the plane which is flipping uncontrollably and there is a terrifying moment when all Erik thinks is, "_He's going to die._ _He's going to die because he saved me._" So he forces his hands towards the metal in such a way that is painful.

Everything freezes and all he can feel is Charles' hot breath on his neck and the tightness of their bodies pressed together and for just a second he closes his eyes and breathes in, smelling the other man's hair and allowing his touch to pulse through him. He can hear them spiraling towards their death but he has a slight moment of serenity. All the things he felt came charging through his body like he'd been struck by lightning. Charles was infuriating and too damn nice for his own good and Erik couldn't let someone so innately _good _die for him.

When they crash into the beach and miraculously live he lets go of the metal and reluctantly rolls off of his friend. He looks into Charles' face and he swears that for a moment he could have leaned in and nothing would have stopped their lips from touching. This idea shakes him to his very core, so he stands.

As the coin pierces Shaw's skull, he swears he can hear Charles' screams and one tear slides down his cheek. He wishes more than anything he could say he was sorry, but Erik isn't like Charles and apologizing is not his nature, so he instead stands, defiant and strong.

–

_**three**_. **to think i might not see those eyes makes it so hard not to cry.**

He knows that the humans will hate and fear them, he knows it in his bones, but even as the barrels of their guns point down their throats, Charles stands his face set and eyes bright. Erik admires that about his friend; because he's just as passionate no matter how calm he always seemed. Charles is frowning only slightly.

Then he hears the blasts and feels the metal as it accelerates and he can't take his eyes off Charles. He can't breathe for a moment, thinking that the shade of his eyes are the brightest Erik has ever seen. There's something about them that pulls at every good piece of Erik, no matter how small. It's too much to think that if those missiles make it to that beach they're all going to die. Charles is going to die.

So his hand flies up in a motion he can't remember commanding his brain to do, determined to save them. Every feeling he has suppressed lately, the feelings Charles had helped to bury, all came to light now. He saw the missiles and even if Charles was as stubborn as a goddamn mule, he wouldn't let him die. Charles was, in a lot of ways, everything to Erik. He was security and kindness and love and most of all, _hope_.

He knows that every human out at sea will pay for Charles' latest brush with death. He points them back and the next thing he knows he's been slammed to the ground. Seeing the telepath be so aggressive sparks something in Erik's chest, causing him to lose focus for the smallest window. He manages to push Charles off and point the weapons in the right direction once more when he hears the gun click.

One gun click and the entire game changed.

–

_**four. **_**i can hardly speak, i understand why you can't raise your voice to say: slower, slower.**

He watches his best, and only, friend fall, legs motionless and piercing eyes squeezed shut. Everything freezes and after all his protecting Charles may die right there because of some stupid human woman. The rage and anger flow through him as he pulls Charles' body to him, clutching the only person he's ever truly been in love with to his side.

He wants to kill Moira, it's irrational and improbable, but he wants her to die the most painful death. He can feel the metal tighten around her throat and knows that she'll die with one more tug but that soft voice that he often considers the voice of reason stops him and he looks down at Charles. Through ragged breaths he tells Erik what he had forced himself to not see all along.

He takes one last look at his only true friend's limp legs and it only furthers his resolution. He has saved Charles' life many times, but he finally understands now. He was the cause for every near death experience the man laying in the sand had gone through. He stood, his eyes closed from hurt and regret, he would leave because that was safer for the only person he had ever been in love with.

"Erik." It is small and quiet but Charles' words stop his whole body. He bends down once more to hear what his friend has to say. Charles breathes heavily like what he has to say is one of the hardest things he's ever had to voice aloud.

"In case, I don't make it-" He says slowly, Erik's heart dropping, "you should know, I loved you from the moment you let go of that submarine. I know you did it to save me, Erik." He sucks in another breath and Erik just can't fight his heart anymore.

Charles' lips feel nothing like Raven's, and for this he is immensely thankful. Charles tastes like mint and passion and kindness. It's brief and it's more of a goodbye than anything, but even with all Erik's regrets in life, that kiss will never be one.

"I know you have good in you, my friend. Your love for me proves that. I will never be against you." He says as Erik stands, knowing when he needs to leave, no matter how much it hurts- and god does it hurt like hell.

"Mutant and proud, Charles. You taught me that I am not alone, thank you." He speaks softly, to only Charles, ignoring the shocked eyes of those around them, he leaves one more chaste kiss on the professor's forehead before turning to his brotherhood.

He walks away, pain searing every fiber in his body but he can't stay back and he is comforted that Charles understands this and does not hate him for it. Erik's spent most of his life running, but for the first time he wishes he didn't have to.


End file.
